The Empty Coffin at His Father’s Funeral Led to Unit 17-Quieen - Chainityai

The Empty Coffin at His Father’s Funeral Led to Unit 17-Quieen

The final hymn was still hanging in the freezing New Jersey air when the gravedigger touched my arm.

Not grabbed.

Not gently either.

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He gripped me the way a man grips someone who is about to walk into traffic.

The cemetery smelled like wet earth, lilies, and bitter coffee from the paper cups our relatives kept carrying around because people need something to hold at funerals.

The grass was soft under my dress shoes.

The wind cut through my black coat.

My father’s coffin had been lowered less than five minutes earlier.

Or so I believed.

People were moving away from the graveside in slow little groups, speaking in the low voices people use when grief has made everyone polite.

My aunt touched my shoulder.

A neighbor promised there would be food at the house.

Someone told me my father would have been proud of how strong I was being.

I almost laughed.

Strong was just what people called you when you had not yet fallen apart in public.

My mother stood near the black funeral car with one hand over her mouth.

My wife, Celeste, had both of our children close to her, one hand on our son’s shoulder, the other resting against our daughter’s back.

She kept looking at me like she could see the cracks forming before I could feel them.

I was thirty-eight years old, a husband, a father, a man who handled insurance renewals and school pickup and mortgage statements.

But beside that open grave, I felt twelve again.

Waiting for my father to tell me what to do.

Raymond Mercer had always been a quiet man.

Not cold, exactly.

Careful.

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