She Came Home In Dress Blues, And Her Father's Threat Backfired-Quieen - Chainityai

She Came Home In Dress Blues, And Her Father’s Threat Backfired-Quieen

The remote clicked three times before my father finally spoke.

Rain tapped against the front windows of my parents’ house in Branton, Ohio, turning the dirty glass silver beneath the porch light.

The living room smelled the way it had smelled for most of my life.

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Stale beer.

Fried onions.

Old carpet.

The bitter cigar smoke my father always claimed belonged to the porch, even though the ashtray beside his recliner had never once made it outside.

He sat with one socked foot propped on a milk crate, football highlights flashing blue over his face.

“We are not driving all the way to Maryland for your sad little job ceremony,” he said.

He did not look at me.

That was his specialty.

He could wound a person without the inconvenience of eye contact.

My mother, Vesta, sat on the couch beside a laundry basket filled with towels she had washed but not folded.

She was circling grocery coupons with a red pen.

One of her slippers had duct tape over the toe.

“Your brother needs help this weekend,” she said calmly.

She said it in the same tone she used when asking me to pass salt.

“The roof over his garage is leaking again. Family comes first, Cerise.”

I stood near the doorway in my dress coat, snowmelt dripping from the hem onto the warped floorboards.

One drop landed near my boot.

Then another.

I watched the dark circles spread and told myself to breathe.

In for five.

Hold.

Out for five.

The therapist who taught me that trick had sat across from me years earlier in a government clinic with beige walls and a clock that ticked too loudly.

She had told me breathing would not fix a family that liked me useful and quiet.

It would only keep me from handing them the explosion they kept trying to provoke.

“My promotion ceremony is Saturday,” I said.

Dad snorted.

“Promotion. Government people love fancy words. You sit behind a desk now, don’t you?”

Eighteen years had gone into that desk.

Deployments.

Inspections.

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